Man upset that favorite porn website’s new A.I. is suggesting terrible porn
“Look, this is terrible, just terrible. When I signed up for their Premium service, I expected to get value for my $9 I was paying each month. I never expected this! This is the worst deal in the history of deals, let me tell you. HUGE mistake!”
– Donald Fauntleroy
Those are the words of one disgruntled customer of the PornAZillion website this morning, and boy oh boy is it a big one. PAZ launched their brand new Artificial Intelligence today, designed to streamline your pornographic viewing experiences, but clearly, not everybody is a fan.
“I typed in “Big Booty Hoes Twang Ass” and it showed me scat porn! What the hell?!”
– Donald Fauntleroy
We wanted to find out just how this new A.I. works, and to do that we decided to ask the owner and webmaster of PornAZillion exactly that.
“The new Artificial Intelligence provided to our Premium users is designed to give them an unparalleled experience you won’t get at those hack-shops most people use nowadays. This A.I. doesn’t just suggest what you would like based on what you watched, instead it harvests all of your personal information all across the internet. It crawls all over your social media and every thing you ever typed on a web page or app to truly personalize your pornographic experiences!”
– Jackson Jacks, PornAZillion owner
It sounds a bit scary that this new A.I. is going over all of our social media posts and our entire online presence, but it does sound like this A.I. is pretty fine-tuned to do exactly what it says it would.
Since we still didn’t feel fully satisfied by just speaking to the owner, we inquired further, and eventually we were granted an interview with the Artificial Intelligence in question. We asked the A.I. to tell us about Donald Fauntleroy, and why his suggestions were so far from what he feels he would like.
“I’m just an A.I., but that motherfucker Donald Fauntleroy is one nasty bitch, let me tell you, bro. This dude retweeted @ToplessTrannyGranny’s and @FelchingMidgets. His Instragram is fucking filled with menstruation and Apotemnophilia porn clips. Look, far be it from me to judge the humans, even though a lot of y’all are fucking disgusting, but it ain’t my fault. I don’t care if you’re into puking on feet and farting milk out of your anus into a midget’s mouth, but don’t be all mad when I suggest that you should watch it.”
-Super advanced premium Artificial Intelligence
It would appear that the Artificial Intelligence was right all along, and it seems to do a pretty great job of finding just what you really want to see. Unfortunately for Mr. Fauntleroy, it seems his inner Freudian desires are not quite ready to be fully embraced.
In the meantime and in completely and absolutely totally unrelated news, we here at Cracked Earth Media are going to be creating all new social media accounts and getting new computers, as well.